terbatuk-batuk di hari minggu yang aneh (the tittle doesn't have anything to do with the content)

been quite lama since my last post, it's not that there's nothing sophisticated happened but there are too many things going on in my head. too many things. i wonder how i could survive this far. duh. lagilagi berle. nada. it's just that i am finally being myself again, not as a part of somebody else, for the first time in eight years. dama's leaving to ozland. becoming motor less. nd some other mixed unexpected events which are, some, magical, and brought different sensations up to my senses. such beautiful combination. there was time that i feel like wandering, flying above nowhere nd ask myself the 'where-was-i' question. however, now that everything seems somewhat clearer, i have to reorganize myself. back to the awfully energy-and-time-sucking chapter of my life entitled 'skripsi'. hey, it's fun. i just need to spend more time in it, i believe.
well, i need to say thanks to my gang, who've been helping me getting through 'that' chapter of my life, it was not easy to disengaged with the habits and the guilty feelings. heaps of thanks to my biach nd bondan who had saved my life at that day, bringing loads of snacks nd sweets. yodim with his sweet chocolates treat. nd the rest of the gang, i feel so lucky to have you guys.
p.s. to the king of shitterbrain, thanks for everything. shibby.

i'll do canberra (i remember)

i am thinking in the next few years
for a best damn friend like you
what-the-helling this thing, you know what?
but then i smiled
i indeed seriously don't know what would i be without you
this sad.
i am sad.
life's a bitch bich you have to leave
and none of my secrets left
when i started to call you names
and lately
oh beautiful days!
on spending our days with our girls
mention your name on my diary
but then we talked, share not ice cream but stories,
'hey, another freak classmate, wearing that you-know-what necklace'
when i first saw you, thinking
i remember

p.s. bahasa yang aneh, tapi itu tulus dari lubuk hatiku. halah. miss berle.
judulnya saru lagi. yang satunya biar kaya puisi beneran ceritanya.
luv u mul, biach, bich, lazyarsed, dumbarsed, darn nerd, kupu2 sph, or whatever whats-your-name's name is. luv u heaps and heaps. xoxo.
be happy, always. ayo kita tunjukkan semangat biach kita!

bruises

judul yang agak berle. but yep, i got some bruises from last night's little accident. they just came out lately. oh crap. there are things i want to forget but the bruises always come out late and keep reminding me. ha, ngomong apa sih. yes, an accident. not so serious. it's the road, the first rain of the season and a crazy taxi. bad combination. and the wheel slipped so bad that i fell. i forgot whether i was riding in a modest speed or in heaven's believer one. but i do confess that i ride worse when i am alone. the thing that made some people around me panicked was actually the rain. the rain that met my blood so that it flew so bad on the raincoat i wore and the shirt [it's new shirt. lame.]. it looked a bit outrageous. but apart from that, i am fine. one thing that keep me wondering is that, when i fell, there was no such defense. pasrah aja, gitu. i even closed my eyes for a while, lying in the middle of the street. when i plunged, i just plunged. it started to freak me out. i hope there is nothing wrong with me. lol. i just think too much recently. and i don't know what i feel now. i just feel so grateful. hey, i am still alive.

thanks to:

mbak yuni, the first person who helped me getting to the side of the road.
pas handono, the man in the bus shelter who was taking me to the maternity hospital.
pak supir taxi vetri (maaf pak, lupa tanya nama), who was driving me asap to 'panti rapih'.
my lovely family, who were basically doing everything for me. my dad even went to the doctor at the same night. he worried too much.
bondan, who was taking me water, making me laugh, helping me with my shoe. and the night wasn't too bad at the hospital.
the nurses, who injected, cut and stitched my skin with love.
biach2, who told bondan and linds. (!) but yes, she did worried.
laksmi, who was kindly getting through the rain! just to see if i was ok, with some lovely oleh-oleh.
linds, who sent a sweeet sms, it made me smile.
tika, who almost went to the hospital.
nini and some cousins, who sent lovely and caring smses.
yodim, who is marah-marah out of the blue for i didn't tell him about the accident.
andy, who just smsed me, thanks mate.
and people i do not mention here, who was helping me or having me crossing their minds for a while.
thanks. from the bottom of my heart. it means a lot to me more than you ever thought.

t e r i m a k a s i h.

about the today fb status [warning: ridiculous amount of insignificant substance ahead]

what really happened this morning was that we lost the key. for the house was seriously full of people and event the whole day. everything was messed up. the access to the outside world was shut. 6 am in the morning, mom was shouting to the whole family, waking me and my two brothers, who just had 2 hours of sleeping, up. we tried to find the key to even the most absurd spots in the house. i was just basically keeping myself busy with eyes half closed. blaming my dogs, chibby and chubby, who probably chewed up the key. yes, i was that sleeping. we conducted an emergency family meeting to find out person who could get us out. then mom had an idea to call a tukang kunci, who then said 'yes, be there right away' through the air. but to the time my dad was about to leave to the office, the man didn't show up. so, my dad, whose wearing his official outfit, followed by me, mom and my two brothers, holding a chair, trespassed the abandoned house next to mine. for the fence of my house was quite a bit 'insanical' to be jumped over by my dad. then, yes. my dad was jumping over the neighbor's fence. the driver from my father's office was giving such indescribable hilarious awkward expression. after waiting for an hour, the tukang kunci still hadn't arrived and couldn't be contacted. my brother decided to cut off the padlock manually. it really took time to cut it. but finally, the hero succeeded to release us all. we, who before the incident had our own to do list, were decided to stay home, almost the whole day, together.

p.s. the tukang kunci never showed up. perhaps he was locked up in his own house, too.
hope he's locked up with his family.

[piercing silence]

stay, you say.

and i try to kill my logic with my little hand.

[piercing silence]

and i try to kill myself, slowly, with my little hand.

just another craps of the boredom note

don't know whether it's coming from the boredom strikes i've been through, but the hell i miss my friends. i miss badminton, the pool, salsa, the foods, the piano, strange inculs time, karaoke, the crazy rides, linds' super polluting ojek, donita, brendan's kekasih, professional hairdos, bad influence, ice skatings, gangs invasions, diction inventions, sneaky slips, street-street, ridiculous games and moves, guava juice, free hugs and massage, good mornings and coffee, swear jars, tattoos, bullshits, bites, talks, even afl.
but i think most of all,
i am just missing myself.

the little tree, me and daddy

this somewhat dull morning, i saw my dad was doing his morning ritual, socializing with his small lovely garden. he was holding a little wood stick. [me approaching] couldn't be said a curiosity, i was more like trying to socialize with my dad. i've been away from home for quite a while. [daddy's big smile] i was asking what he was doing. and he offered me to plant the stick on the ground. it was a process of stekking kembang sepatu (englonesian). hibiscus rosasinensis or hibiscus something with 'sis' in the end. he said it would grow a nice little tree*) [stekking] then, this odd-but-why-not idea was crossing my mind. how about if each living person on earth do this little planting activity, and is fined, with a pretty number of money, when they don't. a tree planting obligation. but sudahlah, it was just another crazy-odd thinking, like establishing a restaurant named 'padang njingglang' or wishing someone out there would invent healthy cigarrettes.

p.s. not sure whether the tree is still alive, now. kalau dibahasaindonesiakan, aku ini bukan orang yang bertangan dingin, gituh.

*) it was said by a former student of agricultural technology, never graduated, though, for he cheated and chose banking for living